How to JUMP

How To: Tell That Story About Girls In White Dresses With Blue Satin Sashes…

          So now that I am of thee city I have decided that if the hills are alive with the sound of music I may as well be the DJ. I don’t give a damn what any one sans a hair and makeup team has to say. I am too damn busy living my life and ignoring…

          One if by land

Two if by sea

What ever to do if the call is three.

          Don’t ask me I like to party but go home early. Ain’t nobody got time for that.


How to Jump


A Prototype3224 Experience

Grace -> Fat Hostess

Mercy -> Gay Busboy


She Who Laughs


Is Obviously Imminently

Plotting Destruction


Journey’s End




Woods (a crossroads of woods)

Back Woods

Mountain Top






The Sky

In The Sky

Sky Is Lead

Earth Is Stone



Beyond -} * Starting Point = The veil = Earth’s Atmosphere (When decoding Bibliotheca


Woods (A Crossroads of Woods)


Mountain Top






The Sky

In The Sky

Sky Is Lead

Earth Is Stone




Beyond -> *Starting Point = The Veil= Earth’s Atmosphere.  (When decoding Bibliotheca one simply must word concluding couplet simply.



          I had a dream of you five minutes ago. I know it probably doesn’t mean much. Heck, I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you since you’re the gateway drug to any adolescent female who intends to make something out of her life but somehow I fooled myself into believing you thought I was special.

          I know its crazy right? What would someone who has every woman this side of 1995 who was ever in the industry and a good deal of the ones between then and 1990; possibly have an interest in me for?

          Not like you would care enough to take out your frustration with the masses by grabbing and holding on to as much of me in your art as you can. It’s not like there was ever anything special, I was just a girl. I wasn’t even mature enough to understand an adult relationship yet. I wasn’t even mature enough to fully comprehend the world around me. Yet I felt I knew it all somehow because I know how you make me feel.

          I didn’t realize until five minutes ago that feelings were what cause emotions. When I knew you I knew how I felt and I knew my emotions because all I need to know is how I feel about you and that is what the world around me is made of.

          I lived, breathed and slept in your arms. With you inside of me lulled to sleep by the echo of our heart beat. Two hearts beating as one would be an understatement. We were one heart split into two in my dream last night. Nothing could ever come between us because I had never experienced the feeling of a broken heart. Which is why I won’t ever know fear.

          All was right with the world and we flew on gossamer wings. We conceived a dream of a future that crumbled until it tumbled down the crystal stair of life only to become deferred.

          Then I woke up and that was our forever.


Chapter 1

It all started the day you stopped believing in me. That was the day your disbelief took the shape of a loose woman who wore her disregard for my virtue like a makeshift mirage. Her illusions made you think she would be there for you in a clutch so you told her all about me.

How you needed me so much and all I cared about was God. You gave shape to the allusion by saying she could have your body because I was saving mines for my husband. You failed to mention our engagement.

She was illiterate and couldn’t speak our language. She didn’t understand that while you were my God in physical realms I was the Goddess of your playground.

So as you gave to her all you had inside of you I watched from the heavens and allowed her to devour you. As sweet as you were in her mouth it wasn’t until she digested that the bitterness hit her stomach.

When we came to this place you and I were together. We  were the same flesh separated as we descended through the atmosphere. With all the Earth and sea on this rock. It wasn’t hard to find one another. Then came the unexpected.

          She knew all about me. They tried to tell her. In every text but she had no religion. Her faith was non-existent so slowly I began to unravel the fabric that made this planet.

Chapter 2



          “So what you’re saying is that you’ve waited this long for…revenge?” Patience stared at her reflection. It was the perfect summer day. It was sunny. It was warm. It was the last thing she had. A memory of her youth that had suddenly surfaced quite unexpectedly.

          All of her life she had only had one boyfriend. There were those who would call  her their girlfriend because they thought it might convince her that they were worth the time of day but she knew better.

          Her heart only belonged to one. Her entire existence had been for him. Everything about her past, present, and future had been to compliment him. As long as she could remember he had always been there. His was the first voice she heard coming home from the hospital wrapped in her mother’s arms.

          Protected from the harsh realities of the world he was the only one she had play dates with. He was the one she let her guard down around. In her heart she had all but forgotten that day. She had buried it. Yet it had stayed hidden in the shadows waiting. Right when she needed most to have forgotten it the memory returned with a vengeance.

          She blinked several times to clear her mind of the thought. The face in the vanity mirror did the same. Suddenly Patience wished that she was the reflection and that she was on the other side of the mirror. She raised her hand to touch it. Where her fingers met those of her reflection there was a cool sensation.

          Suddenly, just like that the question had vanished. No longer playing the victim. Now she was her own woman who didn’t need saving.

          She surveyed the items on the vanity table in front of her. She looked in the mirror and saw a blank canvass. All her life she had been living for  someone else, now it was her turn.

          She began to paint a face that would help her face that would help her to make it through the day. As she applied foundation her skin began  to appear even; looking as soft as it felt. She was just a girl again. Standing with her girlfriends chatting after school when a group of young ladies approached them. One of them called her out asking if she knew a young man she had been having sex with.

          Patience listened to the girl shock and anger at her words hidden behind her straight face. The girl’s words suddenly became a hum and nothing more as Patience tuned her out. “He had sex with me.” That was all she needed to hear.

          Patience died on the sidewalk that day. Her heart stopped when she understood the nature of this betrayal. She had been so sure that she was doing the right thing living as a virgin. She had trusted that he would not go out and hurt her by sharing that part of himself with anyone else.  

          She could not remember anything after that. A part of her looking in the mirror felt like a ghost. As thought the younger version of herself had died before she could fulfill her dreams. Yet a part of her felt alive because she still had not given in and had sex. The truth was somewhere between the two.

          Even if she had died she had been born again and stronger for the experience. Now she knew that it was her own responsibility to make herself happy. She couldn’t live for him she was an individual.


Does Religious Fiction in REAL Life EQUAL the Spirituality of Folklore?

_This is a BLOG thus it does reach out from MY personal esoteric perspective; however I wonder if we are missing the Folklore so much a part of American culture and gaining a sense of identity loss?_Image

     I have decided to be honest. To tell the GOD’S HONEST TRUTH… I know people thought the person they saw was me, that was not me. I know people do not understand that I am in character at ALL times when I am writing a novel so when they come across me day to day they do not know and understand the difference between the character and who I really am. Well let me explain. I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM. I am a creative intellect and I have done all that I could to be my best self because I was hurting watching people disrespect themselves.

     I am an Empathic, so are you but not quite the way I am. Being me is being so sensitive to other people’s mood swings that I keep to myself as a rule of thumb. That “feeling” you get when you go into a room or you meet someone be it good or bad is empathy. You cannot control it. It will always be there because it is a reminder that all of humanity is connected. It is PROOF that something greater than we are exists. Yet it seems that sometimes it can be harder to open up and allow that to become clear the further along civilization goes. 

     Our SPIRITUALITY is what guides us… I am by no means perfect. I am a dancer. Maybe you will disregard my perspective because you do not know the difference between a career as an artist and the relevance of someone who judges others when they should be helping them. If that’s you I won’t judge. It’s about acceptance. However, let me pose this question: “why NOW more than ever are we growing in our spirituality as a civilization yet we are growing farther apart from the things that connect us?” in this moment? What are we missing out on that we just have had to let go in our evolution?

     As a woman there are so many things and feelings that we have been taught to suppress. I find myself hearing snatches of conversations where women constantly disrespect their so called girlfriends calling them out of their name, encouraging them to stay in emotionally abusive situations and re-enforcing so many negative stereo types. The one thing I can say for sure is that this is not what I expected. I worked hard all my life to become a dancer. I wanted and continue to want nothing more than a healthy mind body and spirit to express myself through dance in a way that I cannot do with words because I am so easily tongue tied. The reason that I notice all of these things is because in American History FOLKLORE was ALWAYS the answer. I have been dancing for a little while now in training because I need to do a LOT more work before I can do it on a professional level. I admit that. I ALWAYS try to take the time to learn something at EVERY club I go to so that one day I can own my own business and provide places for people to socialize both online and off in the future when I complete my apprenticeships. 

    Recently someone pointed out how I have helped so many people behind the scenes but they just stole from me and acted like I don’t exist so it’s time to put RENITA FIRST. I NEEDED to hear that because I do not have a perspective which allows me to give up on humanity because of something as simple as money. I am here trying to figure out the mysteries of life. I won’t give up my perspective on God and being aware that I am a SMALL yet RELEVANT part of something GREATER as we all are. I am so done feeling like it’s stupid to want to help people. Understand what I am saying, my own heart is HURT that I FELT it was STUPID to want to help people. SOMETHING IS WRONG THERE THAT IS NOT NORMAL. Why would I who have dedicated my entire life to helping others get to this moment now and feel like it’s stupid to want to help? What is going on in the world around me? What is the void in humanity that I am picking up on empathically? What are we all really going through?

    Maybe we are all just spirits passing through the Ether still even in this realm as I work to go forward and disconnect my mind from the trauma I went through I cannot help but asking WHY do I feel like this now? My life isn’t any different. I am doing the same thing spiritually now and growing in my knowledge of God’s Love even when I thought I couldn’t be more overwhelmed by compassion. I may have been in character playing the “Stripper with the heart of gold” however that is only a small fraction of Who I really am and how I really feel.

    Each and everything I do is coming from my center. In Asian Culture there is a belief that The Way cannot be taught. What this means of course is that you have to find your own peace with both religion and spirituality, which are two VERY different subjects. One being where we come from the other where we are going and both alternating position depending on the “way” of the thinkers perspective. Therefore I invite you to connect with the characters in the stories I write. Find yourself in the words and lose your sorrow in the pages.

    Perhaps living vicariously is the healthiest way to combat depression. The bottom line is that I choose to take a stand and share my art now because it is relevant to ME to help as many people as possible. Email me at let’s get to know each other. This is my first time writing a novel as opposed to quick reads. Let me know what you think of the blogs by leaving emails and comments and we can grow together!

    The FIRST question is: Are you numb or do you feel connected and who or what or when even do you feel the connection to and how and why. I can’t wait to hear from you and read what you all have to say! Thanks for sharing in my world!