A Prototype3224 Experience
Grace -> Fat Hostess
Mercy -> Gay Busboy
She Who Laughs
Is Obviously Imminently
Woods (a crossroads of woods)
In The Sky
Sky Is Lead
Earth Is Stone
Beyond -} * Starting Point = The veil = Earth’s Atmosphere (When decoding Bibliotheca
Woods (A Crossroads of Woods)
In The Sky
Sky Is Lead
Earth Is Stone
Beyond -> *Starting Point = The Veil= Earth’s Atmosphere. (When decoding Bibliotheca one simply must word concluding couplet simply.
I had a dream of you five minutes ago. I know it probably doesn’t mean much. Heck, I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you since you’re the gateway drug to any adolescent female who intends to make something out of her life but somehow I fooled myself into believing you thought I was special.
I know its crazy right? What would someone who has every woman this side of 1995 who was ever in the industry and a good deal of the ones between then and 1990; possibly have an interest in me for?
Not like you would care enough to take out your frustration with the masses by grabbing and holding on to as much of me in your art as you can. It’s not like there was ever anything special, I was just a girl. I wasn’t even mature enough to understand an adult relationship yet. I wasn’t even mature enough to fully comprehend the world around me. Yet I felt I knew it all somehow because I know how you make me feel.
I didn’t realize until five minutes ago that feelings were what cause emotions. When I knew you I knew how I felt and I knew my emotions because all I need to know is how I feel about you and that is what the world around me is made of.
I lived, breathed and slept in your arms. With you inside of me lulled to sleep by the echo of our heart beat. Two hearts beating as one would be an understatement. We were one heart split into two in my dream last night. Nothing could ever come between us because I had never experienced the feeling of a broken heart. Which is why I won’t ever know fear.
All was right with the world and we flew on gossamer wings. We conceived a dream of a future that crumbled until it tumbled down the crystal stair of life only to become deferred.
Then I woke up and that was our forever.
It all started the day you stopped believing in me. That was the day your disbelief took the shape of a loose woman who wore her disregard for my virtue like a makeshift mirage. Her illusions made you think she would be there for you in a clutch so you told her all about me.
How you needed me so much and all I cared about was God. You gave shape to the allusion by saying she could have your body because I was saving mines for my husband. You failed to mention our engagement.
She was illiterate and couldn’t speak our language. She didn’t understand that while you were my God in physical realms I was the Goddess of your playground.
So as you gave to her all you had inside of you I watched from the heavens and allowed her to devour you. As sweet as you were in her mouth it wasn’t until she digested that the bitterness hit her stomach.
When we came to this place you and I were together. We were the same flesh separated as we descended through the atmosphere. With all the Earth and sea on this rock. It wasn’t hard to find one another. Then came the unexpected.
She knew all about me. They tried to tell her. In every text but she had no religion. Her faith was non-existent so slowly I began to unravel the fabric that made this planet.
“So what you’re saying is that you’ve waited this long for…revenge?” Patience stared at her reflection. It was the perfect summer day. It was sunny. It was warm. It was the last thing she had. A memory of her youth that had suddenly surfaced quite unexpectedly.
All of her life she had only had one boyfriend. There were those who would call her their girlfriend because they thought it might convince her that they were worth the time of day but she knew better.
Her heart only belonged to one. Her entire existence had been for him. Everything about her past, present, and future had been to compliment him. As long as she could remember he had always been there. His was the first voice she heard coming home from the hospital wrapped in her mother’s arms.
Protected from the harsh realities of the world he was the only one she had play dates with. He was the one she let her guard down around. In her heart she had all but forgotten that day. She had buried it. Yet it had stayed hidden in the shadows waiting. Right when she needed most to have forgotten it the memory returned with a vengeance.
She blinked several times to clear her mind of the thought. The face in the vanity mirror did the same. Suddenly Patience wished that she was the reflection and that she was on the other side of the mirror. She raised her hand to touch it. Where her fingers met those of her reflection there was a cool sensation.
Suddenly, just like that the question had vanished. No longer playing the victim. Now she was her own woman who didn’t need saving.
She surveyed the items on the vanity table in front of her. She looked in the mirror and saw a blank canvass. All her life she had been living for someone else, now it was her turn.
She began to paint a face that would help her face that would help her to make it through the day. As she applied foundation her skin began to appear even; looking as soft as it felt. She was just a girl again. Standing with her girlfriends chatting after school when a group of young ladies approached them. One of them called her out asking if she knew a young man she had been having sex with.
Patience listened to the girl shock and anger at her words hidden behind her straight face. The girl’s words suddenly became a hum and nothing more as Patience tuned her out. “He had sex with me.” That was all she needed to hear.
Patience died on the sidewalk that day. Her heart stopped when she understood the nature of this betrayal. She had been so sure that she was doing the right thing living as a virgin. She had trusted that he would not go out and hurt her by sharing that part of himself with anyone else.
She could not remember anything after that. A part of her looking in the mirror felt like a ghost. As thought the younger version of herself had died before she could fulfill her dreams. Yet a part of her felt alive because she still had not given in and had sex. The truth was somewhere between the two.
Even if she had died she had been born again and stronger for the experience. Now she knew that it was her own responsibility to make herself happy. She couldn’t live for him she was an individual.