I have decided to be honest. To tell the GOD’S HONEST TRUTH… I know people thought the person they saw was me, that was not me. I know people do not understand that I am in character at ALL times when I am writing a novel so when they come across me day to day they do not know and understand the difference between the character and who I really am. Well let me explain. I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM. I am a creative intellect and I have done all that I could to be my best self because I was hurting watching people disrespect themselves.
I am an Empathic, so are you but not quite the way I am. Being me is being so sensitive to other people’s mood swings that I keep to myself as a rule of thumb. That “feeling” you get when you go into a room or you meet someone be it good or bad is empathy. You cannot control it. It will always be there because it is a reminder that all of humanity is connected. It is PROOF that something greater than we are exists. Yet it seems that sometimes it can be harder to open up and allow that to become clear the further along civilization goes.
Our SPIRITUALITY is what guides us… I am by no means perfect. I am a dancer. Maybe you will disregard my perspective because you do not know the difference between a career as an artist and the relevance of someone who judges others when they should be helping them. If that’s you I won’t judge. It’s about acceptance. However, let me pose this question: “why NOW more than ever are we growing in our spirituality as a civilization yet we are growing farther apart from the things that connect us?” in this moment? What are we missing out on that we just have had to let go in our evolution?
As a woman there are so many things and feelings that we have been taught to suppress. I find myself hearing snatches of conversations where women constantly disrespect their so called girlfriends calling them out of their name, encouraging them to stay in emotionally abusive situations and re-enforcing so many negative stereo types. The one thing I can say for sure is that this is not what I expected. I worked hard all my life to become a dancer. I wanted and continue to want nothing more than a healthy mind body and spirit to express myself through dance in a way that I cannot do with words because I am so easily tongue tied. The reason that I notice all of these things is because in American History FOLKLORE was ALWAYS the answer. I have been dancing for a little while now in training because I need to do a LOT more work before I can do it on a professional level. I admit that. I ALWAYS try to take the time to learn something at EVERY club I go to so that one day I can own my own business and provide places for people to socialize both online and off in the future when I complete my apprenticeships.
Recently someone pointed out how I have helped so many people behind the scenes but they just stole from me and acted like I don’t exist so it’s time to put RENITA FIRST. I NEEDED to hear that because I do not have a perspective which allows me to give up on humanity because of something as simple as money. I am here trying to figure out the mysteries of life. I won’t give up my perspective on God and being aware that I am a SMALL yet RELEVANT part of something GREATER as we all are. I am so done feeling like it’s stupid to want to help people. Understand what I am saying, my own heart is HURT that I FELT it was STUPID to want to help people. SOMETHING IS WRONG THERE THAT IS NOT NORMAL. Why would I who have dedicated my entire life to helping others get to this moment now and feel like it’s stupid to want to help? What is going on in the world around me? What is the void in humanity that I am picking up on empathically? What are we all really going through?
Maybe we are all just spirits passing through the Ether still even in this realm as I work to go forward and disconnect my mind from the trauma I went through I cannot help but asking WHY do I feel like this now? My life isn’t any different. I am doing the same thing spiritually now and growing in my knowledge of God’s Love even when I thought I couldn’t be more overwhelmed by compassion. I may have been in character playing the “Stripper with the heart of gold” however that is only a small fraction of Who I really am and how I really feel.
Each and everything I do is coming from my center. In Asian Culture there is a belief that The Way cannot be taught. What this means of course is that you have to find your own peace with both religion and spirituality, which are two VERY different subjects. One being where we come from the other where we are going and both alternating position depending on the “way” of the thinkers perspective. Therefore I invite you to connect with the characters in the stories I write. Find yourself in the words and lose your sorrow in the pages.
Perhaps living vicariously is the healthiest way to combat depression. The bottom line is that I choose to take a stand and share my art now because it is relevant to ME to help as many people as possible. Email me at ReNitaMonk@me.com let’s get to know each other. This is my first time writing a novel as opposed to quick reads. Let me know what you think of the blogs by leaving emails and comments and we can grow together!
The FIRST question is: Are you numb or do you feel connected and who or what or when even do you feel the connection to and how and why. I can’t wait to hear from you and read what you all have to say! Thanks for sharing in my world!